Paint Me In Your Sunshine

Photo and Poem by Lang Leav

James,

I’m writing you this letter just in case time travel is the next new thing, then I would be able to send you letters to guide you through life. It’s like a cheat code for GTA 5. I know you’re asking yourself what GTA 5 is. It doesn’t ring a bell, right? Don’t worry lad, it’s going to be sicker than the Daytona USA or that Twisted Metal game you play in your PlayStation. They won’t come out until a few years later though. That is not the reason why I am writing you this letter.

I know you’re thrilled to grow up but I think you would argue with me, your older self, when I tell you now that being a child is better. I propose switing places so you will know what I mean. But i have to tell you that “right now” is beyond your imagination. The minute you set foot in the “right now” would be the moment you’ll wish to have your arse back in there. Now, I’m not calling you a chicken. I’m not writing to you to tell you my regrets either. I’m writing to you because i want you to be ready. I want you to be brave enough to put your head in the water. I know you are going through a lot at the moment but you will get through it. Just hold mum’s hand when it gets too painful. When it feels like your whole body is on fire, just think of yourself playing in the shore, making sandcastles and that it’s just too hot for a summer day. You’ll get by so concentrate on that thought for a few days. It won’t be long until you get freed from these poisons. You’ll get a break from chemo in a few more months too.

I want to let you know that the battle will be over but the war will be raging on. In the future battles, i want you to be vigilant so you know who the real enemy is. It will not come in the form you are expecting. You will have constant battles with this enemy and you will have to fight it at one point or two in life. But here’s the thing mate, i don’t want you to kill it even if it is trying to kill you. You will want to free yourself from his misery but be very patient. Be very kind.

I want you to keep in mind what mum keeps telling you, that love is patient and that love is kind. Also, I want to remind you that you should love your enemy. Love him like you love yourself. Love him like you love your brothers. He might be full of anger, pain and darkness but that should not stop you from loving him. The only way to really win the war is to paint his darkness with your sunshine. I know that sometimes, you will feel like your brush is shrinking or your light is burning out. You should not worry so much about that because you are not alone. You will never be alone. There will be people who will come along to lend you another brush and there will be someone who will stay with you. This person will cast away the darkness with her own light. You will no longer have trouble colouring your shadow if you let her bathe the room with her sunlight.

You just have to let her shine on and let that one sink in. Good luck mate! Be good to yourself and don’t forget to smile… with teeth.

Your future self,

James from your 20s